THE ARRIVAL

When we entered the meeting hall this week we were greeted by a new bar set up just past the signup desk. Evidently the Mc Garvey “Irish Coffee” event in honor of St. Patrick was so popular, that the Board of Directors voted last week to serve cocktails every week from now on. (Won’t you come home, Dave Bates?!) The Board had also considered moving the meeting time to 5:00 pm to coincide with “Happy Hour” but the motion was tabled. It was generally considered that in these troubled times it would be beneficial to everyone’s morale if we could revive the spirit of the 1950s when American Business was on top of the world. And, of course, the quintessential symbol of American business in the ‘fifties was the “Two-Martini Lunch.” Those who are old enough to remember those days with some nostalgia will surely look forward to resurrecting that mellow ambience. It has also been proposed that waitress service be instituted. As some members may remember, it was once a feature of our Elks Club luncheons.

THE OPENING EXERCISES

                When it came time to start the meeting, our Jefe was nowhere to be found. He’s said to be away on yet another investigation of “Vice in the Tropics” although it wasn’t entirely clear whether he was conducting his first-person investigations in the South Pacific or the Caribbean this time. Someone thought he heard Chief Pat saying something about Bora-Bora last week. Our substitute presiding officer (I never did get his name) rang the bell so timidly that hardly anybody heard it. (Perhaps it was meant as a hearing test?)

THE PLEDGE

                Before we recited the pledge we were cautioned that we are now required to abide by the 9th Circuit Court’s injunction against including the words, “under God” between “one nation” and “indivisible”— the wording of the pledge before the phrase was added in 1954 to distinguish God-fearing Americans from those atheistic commies on the other side of the Iron Curtain. During the recitation there were some vociferous scofflaws in the group — no doubt under the influence of the pre-prandial aperitifs. Someone then questioned whether it would be permitted for us to sing “God Bless America.” Since the court has not yet ruled on that popular ditty, it was belted out with gusto, followed by “Smile.” A prayer was offered asking that the judges of our courts remember America’s heritage.

THE VISITORS

                Somebody introduced visiting Rotarians and guests but your reporter was negotiating a second martini and missed the names. (Sorry about that, guys.) Once word gets out about the bar, we’ll probably get a lot more visitors: maybe even some Rotarians.

THE ANNOUNCEMENTS

                Dianne Masseth-Jones and Clare Mc Kenna made a joint announcment that later this year the YWCA will merge with the YMCA. The move is being undertaken to reduce overhead costs and eliminate the duplication of effort in fund-raising during these difficult times. It has not yet been decided whether the new organization will be called the YWMA or the YMWA. The new organization has decided to drop the “C” (for Christian) in order to promote greater inclusiveness of all faiths.

                An emissary from Fullerton South announced that, starting in May, their club will meet at the Meridian Sports Club. Instead of using the upstairs meeting rooms, however, they have chosen to assemble in the men’s sauna. This move was made to fend off any females attempting to crash their meetings. Their new motto: “Men’s sauna incorporates anew.”

                A representative from Rotary International wanted to make us aware of an article in the latest ROTARIAN magazine which describes the most recent archeological discoveries in the neighborhood of Stonehenge, that great set of giant monoliths on Salisbury Plain in southern England. It seems that “The Henge,” as it’s known, was not unique, but only the largest of a number of such circular structures all over the island. Stone carvings buried in the ground by what appears to be an altar or a lectern, have recently been deciphered. They revealed that men from the surrounding villages would meet for a feast at each full moon to discuss how to improve the lives of their community. One of the carved stone tablets contained the following: “Be it verity?” “Doeth it treat all in equal measure?” “Will all be helped thereby?” “Will fellow feeling be enhanced?” The scientists, taking X-Ray photos from the air, also determined that “The Henge” was originally shaped very much like a wheel with spokes and gears, as you can see from the accompanying illustration. Unfortunately, many of the stones were carried off in later years and used for building.

FINES & RECOGNITIONS

                Congratulations to Bob Hathaway and his wife, Kaaren, who celebrated their third anniversary on March 31st. This week’s birthdays include: Walter Barnes and Howard Wood on April 1st; Chuck Munson on April 2nd; Theresa Harvey and Chet Schultz on April 3rd; and Bob Clark Senior on April 7th. Happy Birthdays, folks!

                Next, the following were invited to stand: Jim Arabia, Ed Atkinson, Steve Awh, Larry Bennet, Marty Burbank, Ned Doffoney, Bill Goetsch, Gary Goodson, Duane Greenleaf, Pat Hartnet, Todd Huffman, Ted Kim, Terri Prado, Vimal Seth. These fourteen people were identified as members of the “Newest Nine.” (How does that compute?) After they were duly applauded, they were fined nine cents each. The Finemaster settled on a buck-and-a-quarter for the lot which he kicked in himself.

                After all the happy stuff was concluded the Finemaster then singled out the bankers, stockbrokers, and financial advisors and fined them each 90% of their last year’s bonuses. That should keep the club running for a while — provided they can ever collect it.

THE RAFFLE

                The Raffle Winner this week correctly identified the song, “Brother Can You Spare a Dime” sung by crooner Bim Croslin. (Very appropriate for these times, wasn’t it?)

THE PROGRAM

            In honor of Passover, which starts next week, Nate Kvetny introduced our guest speaker, Dr. Mortimer Katz, a little-known, but controversial biblical historian and unorthodox rabbi who teaches a history class one night a week at Yeshiva Institute of Technology in West L.A.

                As a young man he served with the U.S. Army in Viet Nam as a helicopter door gunner. Following his return from the war he underwent an intense personal and spiritual crisis. When he was released from custody, Morty, as he likes to be called, attended a community college on the G.I. Bill and later earned his Divinity degree by correspondence from a school in the Bahamas. He studied biblical history, attempting to uncover evidence of advanced technology in the Scriptures.

                Dr. Katz theorizes that, during the Exodus, God’s angels used helicopters to help Moses and the Children of Israel escape from the Egyptians. God’s choppers flew low over the country wreaking havoc on the first-born while sparing Israelites. He believes that it was the downdraft from the rotors of the huge “Angelic Choppers” that parted the Red Sea.

                Other examples of Helicopters in the Bible are Elijah’s ascent to heaven in a “Chariot of Fire,” and Ezekiel’s vision of wheels within wheels: obviously a helicopter with double, counter-rotating rotor blades.

                Dr. Katz hosts his own weekly program, “Amazing Stuff in the Bible” on community-access television. He predicts it will be several years before his theories gain wide acceptance.

                To hasten that day he has written a number of film scripts on the subject which he routinely distributes to the many movie producers who dine at the Star Deli on Melrose Ave. where he works the night shift. “If they want me to direct, I’m ready!” he said.

                Dr. Katz agreed to remain after the meeting for questions.

UPCOMING PROGRAMS

April 8 – Law-Enforcement Program:
        CHP Motorcycle Officer, Ernie “Husky” Varney on “The Joy of the Chase”

April 15 – Income-Tax Program:
        IRS Crackdown on Tax Abuses by Non-Profit “Community” Organizations

April 22 – Law-Enforcement Program:
        The New Deal on Medical Marijuana — no more Federal harassment